guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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