Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
