I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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