I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
