I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
