I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
