I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
