Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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