She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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