had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
