I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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