I am spending my child support on dildos
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
