don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
