we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.