he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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