I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...