Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.