I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.