You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!