hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!