We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.