I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
