I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How naked do you want me to be?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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