woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
