apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
