if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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