think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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