Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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