It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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