yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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