If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
