I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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