Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I FOUND THE LEGS
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
