You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So here I am, sexting at work.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize