The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
