Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize