it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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