girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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