Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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