I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
