Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
