You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
