OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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