I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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