You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
