My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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