i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
