So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
