Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
