Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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