woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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