it's not cheating when I paid for it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
