Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
