glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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