I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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