I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
