Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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