You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
