Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
