Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
