so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
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