I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
