I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
