he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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