In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
