you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
