Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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