mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
