dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
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You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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