My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
