I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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