I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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