I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
