Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
