his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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