Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
